There is an unspoken rule to watching sports on television with friends:
The 80:20 Rule.
A National Football League game is 60 minutes long and consists of 15 minute quarters. The following is a hypothetical situation wherein a group of three friends gather to watch a game from beginning to end.
Opening Kickoff: 1st Quarter – Timeclock 15:00
Bill: “Thanks for coming over fellas! Huge game!” 00:03
Jim: “Yeah man, thanks for having us!” 00:03
Stan: “This is great, Bill! How was your weekend? We went to this awesome concert Friday night and then went hiking yesterday. It was such a nice day! Jennifer took the kids to a birthday party this afternoon.” 00:11
Bill and Jim look at each other and then back at the game at hand on the television.
Jim: “Dude, we gotta be able to run the ball on these guys! Their D line is banged up but their secondary is really good. Three picks last week against the Jets.” 00:08
Bill: “We can do it! Killed the Packers last week!” 00:03
Jim: “Yeah, baby!!!” 00:02
Stan: “This is good beer, man! Pass the chips, please. Can’t believe the holidays are here. Work is crazy and Jenn’s got so much for me to do. Ugh!” 00:09
Jim and Bill: “YES!!! Touchdown!!!” 00:03
Bill: “That was an incredible catch!” 00:03
JIm: “What a throw!” 00:02
Stan: “That was awesome.” 00:02
Jim: “I mean, I didn’t think Johannsen was even gonna play today, much less have over 50 yards receiving and a TD already! Should’ve played him in fantasy but CBS had him injured up until this morning. Typical. I’ll take it though, baby. Yes!” 00:14
Bill: “Grogan’s doin’ a great job calling these plays, dude. If we can keep passing and set up the run, we might be in pretty good shape. Let’s go!” 00:07
Jim: “Yeah, baby!” 00:02
Stan: “All right!” 00:02
Bill gets up and puts another log on the fire.
Jim: “WHAT?! They ran the kick back to our 35? What the hell?!” 00:04
Bill: “Oh no!!!” 00:01
Stan: “Jim, how’s your job? You still like it?” 00:03
Jim: “It’s good, Stan. Thanks! Got a deal I’m trying to close now that’s kickin’ my ass. Boss driving me crazy. You? 00:10
Stan: “It’s good. Going on a trip next week to Vegas for a conference. Jenn’s already giving me a hard time ’cause she’ll be alone with the kids for a few days. I mean, what can I do? Said I’ll take ’em all next weekend.” 00:15
Bill: “DAMMIT!!! They scored!” 00:03
Jim: “Aw, man!!!” 00:02
End of First quarter: Time Spent: Spectating 13 minutes, 8 seconds. Talking 1 minute, 52 seconds.
Start of 2nd Quarter: Timeclock 15:00
Stan: “What’s the score now?” 00:03
Jim: “7-7, Stan. Tight game!” 00:04
Bill: “Hey hon! Ya mind bringing in some of that salsa, please?” 00:04
Jim: “Here’s the deal, dudes. We gotta drive down and score on this series or else we are in some deep doo-doo. Then we got a hold em on the next drive or get a turnover. Something! They are too good and we just can’t hang on defense.” 00:15
Bill: “Go man! Go! What a run! Did you see that block! Must’ve got twenty yards on that play.” 00:07
JIm: “First down!!!” 00:02
Bill: “Jim, we gotta score here. We should go for a go route on that rookie! Bland has been on fire with his passing! What is he, 7 for 8 in completions? I mean, if he keeps that up, we can win this thing.” 00:11
Jim: “Absolutely!!” 00:01
Bill: “Hey, I’m gonna run upstairs and get some more cold ones. Let me know what I missed!” 00:04
Stan: “Good idea! Grab me a couple of those Lowenbraus I brought, will ya?” 00:04
Jim: “Whoa! We’re down to the five! Bill, hurry it up! We’re gettin’ ready to score!!!” 00:05
Bill comes running back down the stairs, his arms loaded with beers. “What did I miss? What did I miss?” 00:03
Jim: “Dude! Bland hit Stone for a thirty-five yarder and we’re on the five. TOUCHDOWN!!! YES!!!” 00:07
Bill and Jim exchange fist bumps and high-fives and go crazy.
Jim: “14-7 with just a few minutes in the half. Yes!!! Go get some more beers for us, Bill. That was good luck!” 00:07
Stan: “All right!” 00:02
End of Second Quarter: Time Spent: Spectating 13 minutes, 40 seconds. Talking 1 minute 20 seconds
Halftime
Bill, Jim, and Stan settle back and enjoy their team’s lead, beers, and more food (chicken wings, pizza, and more chips and salsa) that Sarah has brought down to the “cave.”
3rd Quarter: Timeclock 15:00
Bill: “And so drove down to Orlando for that bowl game and it took us about ten hours. Got in about 11:30 and couldn’t find those guys. It was December but it was Florida so the pool was open and we went swimming and waited on ’em. Got up the next morning for the game, which was at 1:00, and shotgunned a few beers and we were ready to go! Couple of bloodies in the parking lot and a pint for the game and we were stoked. We killed ’em, too.” 00:28
Jim: “Man, I remember we got about eight of us and jumped into Cranston’s station wagon to drive to Miami for the Orange Bowl game against Ohio State. I don’t know why we got Stills to drive us, but I guess he had tried to quit drinking and was the logical choice. Must’ve had a few cases and a carton of smokes for the trip. This was back when the cars had back windows that you could roll down. Turns out we didn’t need to worry about Stills driving us, because ol Jones and Turner were the ones who got us in trouble.
They were raising hell in the way-back and mooned some girls behind us. Next thing we know some state trooper pulled us over and gave those guys tickets for indecent exposure!!! It was hilarious! We were rolling around cracking up for about fifteen minutes. We finally made it to Miami. We were feelin’ good. Stills got us there all in one piece but I swear he needed a drink so badly after that drive he started drinking again. Forgot who drove us back.” 00:56
Stan: “Dudes, I remember the Tech game when we were 4-6 going into that thing and they were favored by about twenty points. Hand me one of those brews, will ya? We were down by two TDs at the beginning of the second half and ol Tinch starting just slingin’ long bombs right and left. Next thing we know we’re back in the game and even leading by a TD going into the fourth.” 00:21
Bill: “I was at that game!” 00:02
Jim: “Unbelievable!” 00:01
Bill: “Oh damn, they got a FG and now it’s 14-10. If we can get the ball back and score we can have a decent lead going into the fourth quarter. But I don’t trust our D. Surprised they’ve done as well as they have till now.” 00:13
Jim “All right. Here’s the kickoff. Catch it and get down, Fuller, for a touchback. What?! He’s running out and up the middle and now he’s cut to the right side! GO!” 00:10
Bill: “He’s to the 50! 45! 40! Go man! GO! 30! 25! 20! One man to beat! 10! 5! TOUCHDOWN!!! Unbelievable!!!” 00:11
Stan: “WOO-HOO!!!” 00:02
JIm: “All right! Fuller is the man!!! Can’t believe we’re up 24-10. Just gotta play solid defense. You know they’re gonna start throwing like crazy.” 00:09
Stan: “That was an awesome touchdown. Hey, what’s their record? Didn’t they lose to the Titans?” 00:05
JIm: “Yeah, but the Titans are pretty good, and they’re second in their division and in the hunt to make the playoffs.” 00:06
Stan: “Gotya. Hand me one of those ‘Braus, will ya, Bill?” 00:03
Bill: “OK! Almost the end of the third quarter and we just need to get the ball back and not let them back in this thing.” 00:05
Jim: “First and ten from their 25! Come on D!!! Man, this reminds of that game last year against the Giants. We were up by 10 at the beginning of the fourth quarter. Our D completely folded. We went into Prevent D too early and they just ran all over us!” 00:15
Bill: “That was the one of the worst losses we have ever had! Cost us the playoffs.” 00:05
Stan: “When was that again? Because I think I was at the lake house with Jenn’s parents and the kids. We get no reception up there. But I remember hearing about it.” 00:10
JIm: “It was horrible! And that was pretty much when their running back they drafted, Obongaweya, wrapped up the rookie-of-the-year award. Guy was unbelievable.” 00:12
Bill” “Luckily, I got him on my fantasy team this year. He’s killing it! We need a running back like that.” 00:06
Jim: “Damn! I knew it! They’re just throwing at will and we can’t stop ’em. Two straight first downs and now they’re on our 32. Come on D!!!” 00:09
Stan: “Let’s go!” 00:02
Jim: “He’s dropping back to throw again! He’s got McCallister down the left side! Oh no! WHAT?! INTERCEPTION! INTERCEPTION!!! We got it back! That was a great pick by Fleming! Yes!” 00:13
Bill: “Phew!!!” 00:01
Stan: “Phew!!” 00:01
Jim: “And that’s the end of the third! We just gotta grind this thing out!” 00:05
End of Third Quarter: Time Spent: Spectating 10 minutes, 58 seconds. Talking 4 minutes, 02 seconds
Fourth Quarter: Timeclock 15:00
Bill: “Hey man, if we can win this thing, we have a good chance of going to the playoffs. Gotta hope the Cowboys lose a few and then we need to beat the Eagles at home. They are looking strong and are so hard to beat, especially in Philadelphia!” 00:15
Stan: “Yeah.” 00:01
Jim: “Well, we lost those first two games to the Falcons and the Raiders and that put us behind the eight-ball. Luckily we’ve won seven out of the last nine to get us back in this thing. Hold ’em on D and try and run the ball and get firsts to run out the clock.” 00:15
Stan: “We got a good team this year, man. Just gotta finish these guys off. And then…..” 00:06
Jim: “Psssst! Bill! Look at Stan. I think he’s had one too many Lowenbraus. He’s out for the count! Ha!” 00:08
Bill: “Ha! Aw man! All right now, let’s hold these guys! We got a fourteen point lead with about 12 minutes to go. Gotta lock it down! Our secondary is pretty weak and we need to get a good pass rush and even a couple of blitzes ya know?” 00:15
Jim: “They’re already on the fifty on this drive. Looks like they’re gonna throw long again! Oh no!!! Right over the middle and down to the twenty for a first! Damn! This is what we were afraid of, bro!” 00:12
Bill: “Yeah, now we are dropped back into a Prevent D and they could run a draw a get a huge gain.” 00:06
Jim: “Exactly! A play-action is what they should do. We just gotta be ready for it.” 00:05
Bill: “First and twenty on the twenty yard line, Jim. This is huge! Hold ’em D!!!” 00:05
Jim: “They’re running a reverse sweep around the right! Get him!!! He’s down the sideline ….. and in for a TD! Damn!!!!” 00:09
Bill: “That was a good call by them. We were playing soft on the pass rush and stacked in the middle of the secondary daring them to go long again, and they called an end-around! Shoot!!! Made the extra point and now it’s 24-17. Coming down to the wire.” 00:15
Jim: “Stan? You with us?” 00:03
Stan: “Huh?” 00:01
Bill: ” OK! We get the ball back and we got about five minutes to lock this thing up. What should we do, Jim?” 00:07
Jim: “Well, if we can run the ball and get a couple of first downs, we can maybe run the clock out, even without scoring, and deny them the ball at the end of the game. The problem is, Fuller hasn’t playing that well and the line’s not-blocking as well as usual.” 00:14
Bill: “First and ten. Bland’s back for a play action. He’s got Stone over the middle for a first! Yes!” 00:07
Jim: “3:56 to go. Now we need to just run the ball! Give it to Johannsen and try to get a first and run the clock out. There he goes! Around the end and picked up another eight yards! Yes! Second and eight!” 00:14
Bill: “Just hold on to the ball, boys. Whatever you do!” 00:04
JIm: “Should just give it to Fuller again. Bland dropping back to pass! He’s got Stone down the sideline! Picked off! What?! No way!!!” that was interference if I ever saw it!!!” 00:11
Bill: “They threw a flag! Stone was grabbed from behind, otherwise he would have been long gone. Their guy saved them from giving up a TD.” 00:09
Jim: “Oh man! they called offensive interference on us. No way!!!” 00:05
Bill: “This is it, dude. They’re on their own 30, but they gotta dive down and get a TD, kick an extra point to tie or go for two for the lead. HOLD EM!!!” 00:11
Jim gets up from his chair and moves closer to the TV. Bill gets on the edge of his seat to get a better view.
Jim: “I got a bad feeling about this, Bill. They’ve just had their way passing on us, just like we thought. But they have to get a TD. Field goal won’t do it.” 00:09
Bill: “I know it! We’ve been getting picked apart by their QB. We just have to play some prevent D and still get a good rush on them. But don’t blitz!” 00:08
Jim: “He’s dropping back to pass! Oh no! That guy’s wide open in the corner!!! He’s got him! Touchdown. Damn!” 00:07
Bill: “Wouldn’t you know it?! We just can’t stop their passing attack. Well, looks like they’re going for two and the win. Would you do that, Jim?” 00:09
Jim: “Yeah, I think so. Not a lot of D in this game and I wouldnt want it coming down to a coin toss.” 00:06
Bill: “Yeah, I agree.” 00:02
Jim: “Going for two.” 00:02
Bill: “They’re gonna run it.” 00:02
Jim: “They’re gonna run it.” 00:02
Bill and Jim: ” WE STOPPED EM! WE STOPPED EM” WE STOPPED EM! YES!!!” 00:05
Bill: “I can’t believe they went for the run! They’ve had our number all day passing. There was a guy wide open in the corner. Did you see that?” 00:09
Jim: “Oh man! I know! Brunson and Kidd just plugged up those holes big time. I don’t know what they were thinking. What a stop! Now we get the ball back and we can just kneel and run out the clock!” 00:12
Bill: “All we gotta due is get the ball on this onsides kick, ya know? We got all our receivers out there. C’mon guys!!! 00:08
Jim: “There it goes! That ball is up there! Good squib kick! Get it! Get it! We’re around it! Yes! 00:08
Bill: “That’ll do it! Yeeesss!” 00:03
JIM: “Commanders win!” 00:02
They high five.
Bill: “Commanders win!” 00:02
Bill and Jim: “YES!!!” 00:01
End of Fourth Quarter: Time Spent: Spectating 10 minutes, 14 seconds. Talking 4 minutes, 46 seconds.
80% spectating: 48 minutes
20% talking: 12 minutes
And THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is how “The 80:20 Rule” works for watching sports on TV with your friends.
- This post is dedicated to those friends of mine who, instinctively, know and understand the rule: MW, PC, RT, CB, MD, AG, RW, HW, SB, and RL. Thanks, fellas. Come on over any time!
