(Illustration: Alice Cooper pop art)
The Angle
“Mom! Is your purse up here? I think you have my Starbucks card!”
“OK, I think it is, Suzette! You better hurry it up! Bus in 15!!” her Mom screamed back.
Suzette rushed around her parents’ bedroom and found the purse. “No Starbucks Card! Darn!” she thought sarcastically. One second later she had her hands on her Mom’s driver’s license for the sole purpose of diagnosing (or make an attempt to diagnose) her signature.
“OK. Doris Lorillard.” DOB. SSN. Photo. And then there was the signature. “Loop in the cursive capital “D” and two loops in the cursive capital “L.”
“I’m on the way!!!” she hollered, trying to hide her excitement and success with her newfound seemingly criminal intent.
As she rushed through the kitchen with her bookbag, her father lowered his Sports page and peered over it, one eyebrow arched above his readers. “Best hurry it up, Suz.” He cleared his throat and, raising the page back to where it was, continued combing through the boxscores.
She hopped on the bus at the corner and sat in the front row. All the better, she thought, for steadier handwriting … which she would need.
“Dear Principal Smith, Please excuse Suzette during third period so she can go to her orthodontist at All Smiles for her checkup. Thanks so much!” (signed) Doris Lorillard
“That should work,” she thought, and mustered a grin.
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Meanwhile, as the day got started at the high school, Bennie strolled by his empty second period History classroom and, reaching his hand through the door, found the room thermostat. He then leaned his head far enough in the door to read it and set it to eighty degrees.
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On the bottom floor of the building sat Bill and Jeff, bored out of their skulls in morning study hall. Between the luck of the draw regarding class scheduling and playing varsity sports, they were for better or worse stuck in study hall almost first thing in the morning.
The bell rang. They both got up and met outside in the hallway.
“I’m going to my locker to get a pen, Bill,” Jeff said. “Seeya in a few,” answered Bill.
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Almost simultaneously in another hallway of the school, Jasmine made her way through the hall to her locker. “Hey, Mr. Cranston!” she called out to the janitor. “Mornin’, hon,” he answered and slightly waved. She smiled and strolled along mindlessly to her locker and next class.
After second period, Jasmine was heading toward her next class when she passed by a room that she had almost never seen much less thought about. The sign on the door read “INDUSTRIAL.” She looked down at the floor and then back up again, straining from the weight of her bookbag. Her eyes widened slightly and she whispered to herself “Mr. Cranston!” Her mind raced back and forth and despite all warnings she opened the door to the room. Not much to it. Mops and a bucket, coat racks, a few shelves holding any number of cleaning chemicals, etc. Then she noticed Mr. Cranston’s faded blue jumpsuit that was his uniform. It was hanging there as if it had been on and off its hook for literally decades on end. And it probably had.
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The Action
About an hour and a half later, Bennie wiped his brow while nodding off to Mrs. Lankowski”s explanation of the causes of the Fall of the Roman Empire. “Man, is it hot in here!” he thought and noticed every other person in the room subconsciously fanning themselves.
“Hey, Mrs. L.” he called out when a pause in the lecture was apparent. “Mind if I open that window over there?” he asked, pointing to the wall at his left. “I’m boiling in here!!!” he exclaimed.
“Why yes, Benjamin. Thank you! I was thinking the same thing.”
A few minutes later, as Mrs. L was starting on yet another cause of the Fall, a cute girl with shoulder-length brunette hair poked her head in the door and said “Mrs. L! OMG!! There’s water coming out in the hallway from the bathroom! It’s all over the place! Help!!!” She looked discreetly in Bennie’s direction and smiled and winked at him.
“OMG!!!” exclaimed Mrs. Lankowski. “Be right there!” And she hurriedly crossed the room and exited.
Bennie stood up from his desk and stated: “Well, that’s my signal!” And turning toward the wide-open window, sprinted as fast as he could and literally dove through the window and on to the soft external ground. He got up, brushed off the seat of his pants and shirtsleeves, and took off toward the woods nearby, the jubilant cheers from his classmates growing increasingly dimmer.
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The machinery in the boiler room clattered and clanked, and to anybody else the sound would be downright annoying.
Jeff and Bill paid no heed to it as they lit up their Marlboro (reds). ” And remember Billy, don’t inhale your first puff when using a lighter. Inhaling nothing but butane!”
They looked around and cracked a couple of brief sarcastic comments while dragging away mightily on their tubes. The bell then rang, signaling the start of the next period of study hall. They each took one last drag and stamped out their respective butts on the sooty floor.
Two steps away and out of the shadows of the hulking machinery was a door leading to the outside of the boiler room and the side of the building.
Bill opened the door and said, “You go right and I’ll go left. Seeya later!” And at that they each tore off in opposite directions to nether regions of the campus.
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Jasmine squinted her eyes in thought and then closed the door behind her. Without giving it a second thought she reached out, grabbed the coveralls (and the hat too, for good measure). She slipped on the coveralls, put on the lid and, opening up the door to an empty hallway, exited the janitorial cloakroom pushing the newfound mop and bucket along the slick hallway floor. She kept her head down and hurriedly made her way to the nearest exit to her location in the school. When she found it, she quickly slipped out of the coveralls and, deciding to keep the hat on, kicked open the door to freedom. Once outside, Jasmine sprinted to the parking lot and disappeared amongst the hundreds of students’ cars.
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The Real Con
Suzette opened the door from the outside of the medical building and walked with a purpose up to the receptionist’s desk.
“Suzette Lorillard here for 10:00 appointment to see Dr. Greene.”
“Good morning!” greeted the receptionist. “Have a seat we’ll be right with you!”
A few moments later, the nurse came out in the room and called out her name.
“Hi!” said Suzette. ” I guess let’s get this over with!” She and the nurse laughed together as they made their way down the hall.
As she sat reclining in the dentist chair thumbing through People magazine, she thought to herself, “Now when was that movie matinee playing? 12:00 or 12:30?” She smiled and the feelings of contentment, excitement, and pride rushed through her. “Double feature?”
Down the hall the receptionist’s phone rang twice and was answered. A curious-sounding man on the other end of the line stated “Uh yes, I’m just calling to make sure Suzette Lorillard made it to her appointment.”
“As a matter of fact, she just went in,” answered the receptionist. “Thanks for calling!”
“No, thank YOU,” answered Principal Smith.